I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
