just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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