Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
