If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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