Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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