dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
