NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
