I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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