he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.