Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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