it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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