he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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