Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
