There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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