im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
