in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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