It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
