You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
