he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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