i just had sex bonerless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
