Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
literally had 100 drinks last night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
