I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
