Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Life without a bra equals bliss.
there is glitter all over my balls
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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