I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
