Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
