who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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