i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
