Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
