you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
