"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
