wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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