I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
