i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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