i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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