do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
