Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
