i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
