just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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