I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
