If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
