if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
