Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
