Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
