you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
