I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
