Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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