The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
