WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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