I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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