Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
