Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
