We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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