youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize