12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
