my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
