Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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