who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
