sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
