i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
