I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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