I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
