the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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