I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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