apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
