Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
