Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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