Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
