HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
