I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
