The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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