I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
