I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize