did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
